I have been dying my hair for the last 10 years- it used to be once every 3 months, then 2 months and in the last year the roots have needed to be touched up every month.

About a year ago, my husband suggested that I let my grey hairs shine- I literally laughed him out of the room. However, recently I decided to take the plunge and stop dyeing my hair- I have read lots about it, and recognised how much I am attached to defying ageing! It is like a denial of what is real, and particularly what is real about women. There is a whole industry on defying ageing telling us what the norm should be in the spirit of fleecing my pockets!

So I am in a transition phase, not only in terms of my hair, but also in terms of thinking about what the norm is to be a woman in my early (just) forties.

This is not intended to take a side on whether it is right to dye your hair or not, but a personal reflection on my experience of it.

I don’t think my hairdresser will be particularly happy, but my wallet certainly will!

For the song, it can only be Carly… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g

Have a great week,

Clare

So last week I decided to take an hour of my day to just work on just being. An hour just for me and to reflect on things in my life and make plans to try new things. I have found that in this never ending “doing” world, that I left little time for planning for the future.

The thing is I hasn’t realised how vulnerable I felt – not psychologically unsafe, but just a sense of feeling things if that makes sense. In today’s world it is so easy to keep busy, and just keep doing the same things- the rat race if you will.

But I have dreamt of trying new things and I set about time to make that happen- and this involves taking risks- I have wanted to try something really new outside of work (I will share what it is when I get the courage), and I took active steps on this at the weekend. What I noticed is that I am so comfortable and established in what I normally do that time just slips away from me, and I guess that is the same for many of us. To work actively on our dreams make us intensely vulnerable I guess because they are our dreams.

So I leave you with the super talented Eminem- Lose Yourself https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Yhyp-_hX2s

Have a great week,

Clare

I think mavericks sometimes get a raw deal in the workplace- they are those who think and act differently, don’t necessarily shine in teams as they prefer to act alone, but they are the ones who have the ability to change the world.

Two famous ones are Richard Branson and Bill Gates- they have both changed the world and certainly think and act differently. Music to a maverick’s ears is the phrase “well that is just how it is”. The music is the opportunity and the catalyst for creativity and new ways of doing things.

But mavericks need alone time- alone time to think and incubate ideas.

In today’s somewhat corporate world, there is sometimes little tolerance of the maverick- a need to tow the party line, driven I guess from a fear of something different- but as Einstein defined insanity, “Doing the same thing twice and expecting a different result”.

So if you know a maverick or are one, embrace them- they will be the ones to push us into our next phase of life and truly change our world.

I leave you with a great TedX short talk- Making Mavericks, from Guillermo Aguilar- powerful stuff.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dxxyjCxZk04

I was listening to this classic by Diana Ross earlier- I’m coming out. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbYcte4ZEgQ

Have a great week.

Clare

I was reminded by a tweet that I saw this weekend from a mental health CEO and thought leader John Brouder, about looking in the mirror when there is a problem.

There are many members of my family who are members of Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12 step groups ( I won’t name them of course as to protect their anonymity). There is a phrase in AA literature when I am disturbed, no matter what the cause there is always something wrong with me- and I will find no serenity until I accept that this situation is exactly as it is meant to at this time. This was written in 1939, so the language would probably change now, but the sentiment is the same- we always have a part to play in everything we are disturbed about.

Essentially it suggests that we look in the mirror when we are disturbed about things- this is a tricky thing to do, as it is a natural reaction to look outside of ourselves first. However, what I have learned from this message is that looking at my part in situations is the one thing I can control, and the one thing that brings me internal peace. People certainly do us wrong at times- however our reaction is ours; ours and no one else’s. And because it is ours we have the ability to change it.

I leave you with Gossip, Standing in the way of control https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yn043ArR98M

Have a great week,

Clare

Last week I had the privilege of attending and speaking at a United Nations meeting in Espoo, Finland. While I was only there for three days, it felt like a week not only because of the amount of work that was done, but the amount of sunlight that there was- only 2 hours of twilight per night!

The meeting was celebrating the progress of the sustainability development goals #SDGs, of which there are 17 https://www.ungsii.org/sdg-cities . It was a mixture of social entrepreneurs, climate change experts, academics and investors all joined together for the sole purpose of meeting these SDGs collectively.

It struck me how mental health links in with each of the goals- poverty, quality education, gender equality, good health and well-being to name a few, and the potential for increased mental illness on a global scale should these goals not be worked on.

Mental health is our ability to feel joy, pain, excitement as well as our ability to develop and sustain effective inter and intra personal relationships. Simply put it is what gets us out of bed in the morning.

None of these goals can be achieved without collaboration, investment, trust and partnerships- and these are built through relationships which requires good mental health personally, organisationally, nationally and globally.

There are so much to do about improving the mental health, not least for those who are mentally unwell, however I believe mental health in its truest sense of the word is at the heart of all of this work.

So today is the end of the holy month of Ramadan- I took my children to school this morning and they were all talking amongst their friends about Eid and the celebration some of their class mates would have in the coming days. I was reminded of when I grew up in a very small village in rural Ireland- we hadn’t even heard of Ramadan there as it was a predominantly Catholic village. This can give you a certain set of beliefs about different cultures and religions- the operative word being “different”.

When I came to London in 1992- my Dad said to me; “Clare you can go and hang out with Irish people as there is a large community here, or you can go and immerse yourself in all the different cultures that London has to offer”- these were wise words and they gave me a curiosity and open-mindedness for communities that were different to the one I grew up in.

I discovered that all communities are the same really- race, creed, sexuality, etc is largely academic in today’s world. Currently there are small and very loud pockets of people who are trying to force their beliefs and prejudices as the only way- creating divide based on race, creed and sexuality- there has never been a greater need for community and acceptance of all. My children and their school mates get this- in fact anything different is a bit alien to them. I do appreciate that this is not the case for all, but I guess our responsibility is to ensure this is nurtured.

I leave you with the fab songwriter and philanthropist, Yusuf/Cat Stevens- Father and Son. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yERildSsWxM

Have a great week.

Eid Mubarak.

Clare

Thought for the week: When we connect not convince:

I was on the train this morning passing Battersea power station and I was struck by the huge number of crane and wires connecting each part of the new site, and it reminded me of a wonderful anecdote that someone reminded me of recently- that is to connect not convince. I was on a course and we were discussing how off-putting it can be when people try to convince you of their point of view, their work and sometimes their opinion of you (whether asked for or not!).

We came to the conclusion that connecting is far more powerful than merely convincing- emotional memory is lasting, and people always remember how you made them feel as opposed to what you did.

So in times of transition in organisations, there is doubt, fear, frustration, game playing and other behaviours that can bring down the general mood. The desire and sometimes compulsion to convince is at its greatest as people try to make sense of the change and get some security about the future. We miss out on connecting with people, which will have a better outcome on our productivity- the more we know each other, the better we will work together and the more productive we will be.

Starting a meeting off with a personal story, a reflection, a joke helps to settle people into the meeting (as their minds are frequently on their last meeting, to do list, etc), may sound informal but in fact it is a very powerful technique to getting people into the meeting and focused on where their attention needs to be.

So this week, perhaps think about what connections you can make as opposed to what convincing you can do- when someone has a connection, the convincing has less power and happens more naturally in my experience.

I leave you with a fab song by Inner City- The Good Life- all about connecting  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KJxJxr9RlKM

The report from the course I attended mentioned https://www.stgeorgeshouse.org/leadership-conversation-30-connect-not-convince/

Have a great week,

Clare

Morning all,

I was going through Heathrow security last week on a visit to Danish health services and was asked to take off my watch to go through the security scanner. ‘Don’t forget you watch, don’t forget you watch, don’t forget your watch’ was my internal dialogue. I didn’t forget my watch but I did leave my laptop behind! I was finally reunited with it on Friday afternoon, but felt that was too late for a thought for the week by then.

Thought for the week: Sometimes “stuff” comes out sideways

My trip to Denmark was the first time I had been away from my family in a couple of months- I have needed to be at home with my kids more recently, as they needed both their parents around them. We had noticed a couple of months ago, increased arguments and squabbling between both of them and also my son’s teacher reported that James was being a bit mean to his classmates and was everything okay.

It transpired that an au pair that was living with us assaulted my daughter and locked my son out of our house in a rage- this only came to light when the said au pair left and my daughter disclosed to my husband what had happened. She had been threatened by the au pair that things would be worse next time round if she spoke up to us or a teacher. Naturally we were devastated by this- working in the field of mental health I have always been acutely aware of the importance of speaking up and have encouraged my kids to “tell an adult” when things aren’t okay. So for this to happen was a total shock and I have to admit a large amount of guilt if we could have prevented it.

But it shows the power of psychological abuse and the vulnerability of children, and also that stuff can come out sideways especially in children. We have been incredibly supported by the school, police and the local mental trust advised me on things to look out for after the first few months which could indicate some PTSD.  My line manager and colleagues who know have been amazing too- thank you. The strongest message was that my children believed and saw through action that we were taking this seriously.

Sometimes when situations are too difficult to articulate or there is a threat about standing up to abuse, stuff can come out sideways- this is common in children but in adults too. So I guess the message this week is if there is someone you have noticed that is behaving differently, could there be something going on for them? This week is mental health awareness week and there is lots of hints and tips on how to help a loved one or a friend.

I hope you forgive me for indulging a little this week in my own stuff- Thought for the week isn’t about me, but I do write it and this story felt part of the journey, and of me, so thank you.

I am pleased to say that 6 weeks on, Rebecca and James are recovering really well- they are still squabbling of course!

Song for the week is Billy Idol, Dancing with myself, simply because I love it and dance around to it in my room in the morning! Hope you enjoy it too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FG1NrQYXjLU

I was doing some meditation this morning with a fab app I use, Calm (there are others) and the subject was procrastination, and strategies to overcome it. It makes us feel quilty, annoyed with ourselves, at times fearful, and can be crippling. It reminded me of some research that Adam Grant, an organisational psychologist at Wharton Business School in the States did on original thinkers and how their procrastination is more beneficial to the overall result of something.

Precrastination is doing something too quickly where waiting would have achieved a better outcome- the waiting or procrastinating bit is like an incubator for idea generation becoming a reality. By waiting, your mind is open to other possibilities, resulting in a better outcome than it would have been if you had acted straight away. There is of course a balance, the sweet spot of procrastination – not acting straight away but also not waiting too long. So, according to Grant, the most successful original thinkers, start quickly and finish slow- with lots of failure in between.

In healthcare, there are of course times when things have to be done quickly- arguably in transformation of healthcare, in order for sustainability, we need to find that sweet spot of procrastination, and allow others to too.

I often use my meditation time (which I do every day except on days I don’t) to settle the precrastinator in me, and I am always trying to find that sweet spot of procrastination- it is daily work believe me.

Here is the link to Grant’s Ted Talk on the subject https://www.ted.com/talks/adam_grant_the_surprising_habits_of_original_thinkers?language=en – it is fascinating stuff.

Song for the week- Bruce Springsteen, Glory Days- a song about reflection https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vQpW9XRiyM

Have a great week,

Clare

Thought for the week: Love is Love

Love is Love- this statement is widely used in the LGBTQ community and is a very simple and powerful message. My daughter Rebecca (9) asked me when the Pride parade was on this year and if we could go- this is undoubtedly from news reports on Brunei passing a law to sentence someone to death for homosexual sexual intercourse.

When Ireland had the equal marriage referendum in 2015, I showed Rebecca (then 5) some of the pro-equality campaign videos- one was where a heterosexual man went from house to house asking if he could marry his girlfriend, ending with “I wouldn’t have to ask 4 million people if I wanted to marry my girlfriend”. My daughter’s response to this video and when I explained that you were not allowed to marry a same-sex partner in Ireland, she was outraged. “We have to tell the Prime Minister Mum – he has to know about this”.

On the weekend of the referendum, she had her friend Aleeza over for lunch- she was telling her that in Ireland, if a girl wanted to marry a girl or a boy wanted to marry a boy, that they couldn’t and how unfair this was. To put it into context, she then said to Aleeza:

“So Aleeza basically, if you lived in Ireland and wanted to marry your sister, you wouldn’t be allowed to”.

So for children, Love really is Love.

And according to John and the gang, it is all we need … https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsxtImDVMig

Have a great week,

Clare