Thought for the week- Changing the conversation

I was on an intensive 3 day course last week entitled “The five aspects of leadership”- the aim of the group is to facilitate high trust, to enable challenging each other in our thinking and as leaders.

Someone suggested to me that I “changed the conversation”- internally in my head, and externally with others. It was a moment where someone challenged me on my thinking and beliefs- we all have an internal dialogue about where we are and how we are seen in the many worlds we encounter- work, home and leisure. What struck me was how when I focus on one world, (eg work), the other world’s suffer- home and leisure.

I set about writing down all the commitments I had in my life and how I spend my day.
It revealed to me an imbalance – more focus on work and less on home and leisure – there is something very powerful about writing things down on paper. This is undoubtedly more profound when there is change happening in the work world, however by striving to strike a balance between the worlds they will all benefit.

And on a practical level, I have “practised what I preach”- turned off all screens an hour before I go to bed, and leaving my phone downstairs at night- since I have done this, I have slept through each night soundly- what a difference a simple change can make.

I leave you with Adam and the Ants- Stand and Deliver https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4B2a6l6wM2k

Have a great week.

Clare

Thought for the week: A spare rib?

I googled spare rib when I decided this would be the title for this week’s thought for the week, (following said injury), and it relates to a biblical story about Eve being one of Adam’s spare rib- it also is the name of a very influential magazine from the 70s aiming to set the record straight on feminism.

Growing up in the 70s and 80s in Ireland, my Mum and a lot of women arguably played the role of the spare rib- my Mum stopped working as a nurse when she had her first child; this was something that she really resented having to do- in fact if you worked in the civil service in Ireland, you were obliged to stop working when you got married!

So my Mum who brought up four children, had a very strong message for my sister and I from an early age:

1. Always be independent of a man;
2. Always have a job where you get paid; and
3. Always have your running away money!

Women and men have certainly come a long way since those times, in our attitudes, place in the world, and while not perfect, it is certainly much improved.

One generation on, I think about how my daughter and son see themselves in the world- I think it is pretty gender neutral for them both in terms of their outlook and their future looks bright.

So I for one am not anyone’s spare rib, nor do I have one!

I leave you with a classic, written by the brilliant Carole King and Gerry Goffin, and performed by the Queen of soul herself, Aretha. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEWuAcMWDLY

Have a great week.

Clare

Thought for the week – “If you can keep your head”…

This quote is from the first line of Rudyard Kipling’s poem, If, read here beautifully by Sir Michael Caine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEFMVIfl2UY. It is a poem about what it takes to be an adult that Kipling wrote for his son, John. “if you can meet with triumph and disaster, and treat those two imposters just the same” is written on the player’s wall at Wimbledon.

With so many rapid changes happening around us, mostly out of our control, the words “keep your head while all about you are losing theirs”, seem apt. Personally, getting caught up in things that are out of my control never ends well- sticking to the things that I do have control over and can change serve me in lots of different ways, most of all my mental health. The art of course is recognising what is in and out of our control- sometimes a quick question to self, “can I do anything about this and will this still be relevant in a year’s time?” is enough to help recognise the difference.

Here is a song by the late and great David Bowie, Changes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pl3vxEudif8 .

Have a great week,

Clare

Is it a school day today?

These six words, without fail are the first words to come out of my son James’s mouth every day, like every day!

His response varies depending on the day- he is 6, and very happy to express any discontent he may be feeling about what he thinks the day will hold. I love the ability he has to just speak his mind. The anticipation is always worse than the reality and once he sees his classmates, things are fine.

Many people are returning to work today after a half-term break- lots of funny anecdotes on twitter about this being a drag- but being able to express that things are a drag or how they may be is an important step in preparing for the day/task ahead. So it helps me like my son, to acknowledge that I don’t want to do something, but go ahead and do it anyway.

Oh, but doesn’t the sun help? We are expected to have an unseasonal weather pattern this week- and it is lovely to feel the sun on your back and dry out the bones for a few days.

So the song for the week is a Pink Floyd classic- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG1fgCHvDNQ – we certainly need an education, but we don’t need thought control!

Have a lovely week and enjoy the sun.

Clare

The importance of a good ending

I am writing this on my way to Dublin airport after marking the three year anniversary of my Dad’s untimely passing. We have in Ireland a perhaps unique way of celebrating death, where everyone congregates to celebrate the person’s life ensuring there is lots of laughter, poetry and general chat. Neighbours will give an endless supply of food for the grieving family (I still associate my Mum’s savoury rice with wakes and funerals). All the rituals point to having a good ending and celebrating what went before.

As we say goodbye to colleagues this year leaving for new ventures, they have touched our working lives in more ways than we can articulate in a leaving card. They say the greatest gift we can give is our time, so I for one, am going to take some time to thank them for how they have touched my life- as a good ending makes room for a good beginning and worth marking.

I leave you with the song, Here comes the sun, by The Beatles. Not for any reason other than the sun is rising right now…  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xUNqsfFUwhY

Have a great week.

Clare

A reason, a season or a lifetime… there is always a lesson

We come across people every day, and whether they come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime is worth consideration, not least because with most interactions there is a lesson.

This phrase is from a poem I like about the purpose of relationships (poem below). Take from it what you will, and this is my take …

Reason- these people often teach me something I need to learn- such as the person who asked me to get off my phone when ordering coffee.

Season– often work relationships- my experience has been that the ones who have annoyed me most (and we all have one or two), are actually the ones who have taught me the most about myself and what needs attention. These are a real gift.

Lifetime– often family, partners and childhood friends… these take lots of work with surely the best rewards.

So whatever you interactions this week, there will always be a lesson- it may not be clear immediately, but they will be worthwhile to reflect on.

Have a great week.

Clare

Conditional Giving:

Someone whom I consider to be quite wise once said to me “Giving to charity is conditional giving, it is not true giving”- I was taken aback by this statement as someone who believes in the benefit of charity- but it really got me thinking… and this is how I saw/see it- when I give to a charity I am saying that I know best where this money should go, and this is self-serving in that I feel good about my definition of what is right.

I was challenged to just give freely for a while- i.e. just randomly give things- time, money to whatever comes your way- and it was incredibly freeing and eye-opening. Only thing was to do it and not tell someone I had done it- this was and is a really hard thing to do as my ego wants for people to know I do good things.

You might enjoy reading about http://wemakegoodhappen.com/- it is a great story about giving.

So this week hope you are the recipient of some free giving however that may manifest.

And here is a song about giving, (albeit conditionally) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4z2DtNW79sQ The Mighty Bruuuuuce

Have a great week,

Clare

Some of you “old” enough to remember the Relate and BT campaign – Just Talk will remember how it was to encourage people to talk to each other more- this is probably more relevant today with Smart phones replacing a lot of conversation- not only as a distraction to conversation but also it is easier- we sometimes find it easier to text/email someone than to pick up the phone or walk to their desk. It could be seen that we are afraid of a rejection of some kind- I certainly feel this at times.

I do have to force myself to get up and go and talk to someone instead of emailing as it is the human connection that fulfils us as well as is initially frightening to do. But there is surely nothing better than human connection and conversation?

About 10 years ago I walked into a coffee shop and was having a conversation with someone on the phone as I made my order- the shop owner refused to serve me. Naturally I was really embarrassed, but then thanked him for reminding me the importance of human connection and undivided attention.

So, enjoy real undivided conversations this week- if you are in Cork, and you visit this pub here is what the landlord has put in place to keep the art going – https://twitter.com/cian_mccormack/status/1089674384829267968

And a song about conversation – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2lGzJwksSv4 The Beautiful South, A little time.

Have a great week,

Clare

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton